Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Prop 8- powered by both sides with love...yet so much hurt.

Unable to sleep I have been turning out current problems with Proposition 8 over and over in my mind. I think that a lot of pain, hurt misunderstanding and unfairness have touched about everyone that has gotten involved on either side. As far as I can see it, it boils down to semantics. What is the meaning of the word Marriage? I also can see that there is a huge division by the anti and the pro. I say that both sides are fueled with love, and that is the problem…for the opposition to each party is seen to be fueled by hate. Are their feelings of hate on both sides? There are those with in each party that perhaps feel that way, but I honestly think that the two basic stands are driven for the most part by love.
Anti Proposition 8 is viewing this as a civil rights issue. Their love of freedom and liberty and the pursuit of happiness speaks to their heart of letting all be able to have everything the same. Many supporters of this side of the coin feel that they and only they are being fair, loving, kind and rational. They view that the word marriage should be attainable for all. But in the state of California very little is changed for Gay couples if they have or don’t have this word and certificate. The rights to be admitted to see their sweetheart in the hospital still stands, tax and benefit laws are intact. And possibly I am too open minded here, but I would even say that they become each other’s family. Families come in all different shapes and sizes, and mean different things to different people. Michael Scott from “The Office” would consider all his coworkers his family. I consider my roommates and some of my close, close friends as family. Some people do not have love or happy thoughts of family because they knew great pain from theirs- often times because it was dysfunctional or a source of much animosity. Others take family for granted. But most feel that families are very important, wonderful and who they love the most.
Pro Proposition 8 views this issue as a religious issue. Their love of God, and desire to maintain that of traditional marriage which they define as being man and wife is what speaks to their heart. Many supporters of this side of the coin feel that they and only they are being fair, loving, kind and rational. They view marriage as something sacred, and for most as a binding of a man and woman before God first, and then to man. There are many heterosexual couples throughout the world who find marriage stifling, archaic and many who do not want to enter into this covenant for different reasons…yet they still have love and commitment to their life partner. Are their marriages that are messed up, broken, vows discarded- but still legal because of law only? You bet there are! Are their people who marry for the wrong reasons? Absolutely. Is marriage between man and woman always beautiful, spiritual, filled with fidelity, trust, compassion, and consideration for each other? No. Having the word and the certificate does not bring happiness or entitle one to “Happily Ever After.” Are all families created under marriage happy homes? Negative. But those who are making a stand on this point are filled with love for their understanding of what marriage is.
So what is the solution? I do not claim to have all the answers. I do not think that we can wave a magic wand and make everyone happy, or cause people to agree on what Marriage means for them. But I hoped to point out that though this debate, vote, fight, ideal, view, and argument that both sides are fueled by love and their concept of the word “Marriage.” Neither side is trying to truly stand for hate! There are exceptions, but as a whole I feel that both sides are trying to listen to their heart, and conscience. But some see this a civil rights and others as religion/tradition. There is a huge difference to both sides and points that the other won’t concede. Our nation is circling each other in a giant boxing ring, going head to head in a fight that is not for fame and fortune but for love. I am afraid that both boxers have been hit in the head too many times to see things clearly, rationally or calmly. Yesterday as I read 517 comments back and forth on a news article I was appalled at how many people were name calling, hitting low blows and getting so nasty with each other that love did not seem to be anyone’s fuel. It felt more like school children fighting and bickering. One person on there made reference to someone’s mom.
To those that are of a religious background may I say shame on you for not practicing what you teach, if God is Love why are you hating? To those that do not carry religious ties may I say shame on you for not holding to the golden rule- do unto others as you would have others do to you. I would challenge each person responsible for allowing hate to creep into their heart, conversation or stance to take a deep breath, count to ten, act like an adult and try and view the opposition’s point as being backed by love…not hate. Maybe then we can learn and accept and respect each other even if we disagree on what a word and a certificate means.


Michael Paul Bailey said...

I agree. It's a shame that people are devolving into such mean-spiritedness and vileness with regards to this issue. We must be careful to not judge an entire group by the actions of a few. For example, I am against Prop 8, but I do not condone acts of vandalism. I imagine that you are in favor of Prop 8, but I highly doubt you condone the acts of violence perpetuated by those with whom you agree. All of the violence and hate has to stop.

I also agree with you on the fact that one side is motivated by civil rights and the other religious devotion. That is one reason I feel compelled to oppose Prop 8. We live in a country which enjoys the freedom of religion. If we start legislating on issues, solely for the purpose of religious beliefs, we are heading down a slippery slope. How far do we go in legislating morality? Do we make homosexuality illegal again, like it once was? It's a dangerous road.

redsamn said...

No, I do not agree with acts of violence for either side. And name calling, hatred, and taking cheap shots aren't helpful. I think that the sides are divided by completely different ideals. They are almost, almost like comparing apples and oranges.

Boy's Mama said...

Thanks for that. I have felt so sad for those who refuse to acknowledge the pain and hurt they are causing each other, and that one group or another is being blamed for all of it when many of different faiths, familial back grounds and cultural ties exist on both sides. "Why can't we just get along" seems a little simplistic, but, seriously, why can't we just get along? I have never carred about ones sexual choices, and believe me, there are alot I don't think are ok. People are people gay, straigh, whatever. I would still love my son if he chose a homoexual lifestyle. Would I allow him to fight with me over it in my own home? Absolutly not. But he would be more than welcome to visit.

Steve said...

Very thoughtful post here. Glad to see you're in the blogosphere:)